Nobody likes Jessica Simpson, and why would they? Has she even done anything since that piece of shit movie with Dane Cook? Does she even sing anymore? It seems like she exists only to get dumped by celebrities who actually do things. I realize she's got giant tits and hey, that's great, but so do millions of other people that don't have flat asses, fat thighs, butt chins, and mangled noses.
As awful as this woman is, it was still a shock to hear that even nature turned on her after a coyote ran off with her maltipoo -- that's a real thing, by the way --"Daisy" late last week. Jessica, ever the optimist (read: idiot), remains hopeful that her dog is still alive and well and has launched a major rescue operation which she (read: her idiot dad and manager, Joe Simpson) has so cleverly dubbed "finding Miss Daisy."
Now I love dogs and I hate making light of a situation such as this, but what are the odds that this really happened? Jessica has rightfully been getting shit on by the tabloids, Tony Romo, John Mayer, and so on for so long, that if she can't drum up any sort of positive press by actually doing something people would appreciate, the least she can do is make people feel sorry for her. With that said, what're the odds that this coyote was actually Joe Simpson hiding under a bearskin rug?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
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