The most awesome thing I ever saw:

This barely qualifies as a post, but I was thinking about the most awesome thing I ever saw on my way into work this morning, and I couldn't stop laughing about it. And now I'm sharing.

It was a few years ago and I had just moved into my house. I took the day off of work so I could unpack and generally make the place livable. High on my list of priorities was putting actual shades in the windows as opposed to old newspapers like some sort of hobo. I was measuring the living room window which faces the road that runs by my house when I noticed the mailman approaching my house from across the street. It's absolutely essential to point out that this particular mailman -- I have a few -- is alarmingly obese for a guy whose job it is to walk. In addition, he's a bit oddly proportioned, with a surprising amount of his bulk residing below his waistline.

As he crossed the street, he shuffled through two packed armfulls of mail, grouping letters by address. Hard at work and completely mentally invested in his organization, this behemoth public worker failed to account for the curb a few feet in front of him and he walked directly into it, dropping forward like a domino and eating shit harder and faster than any America's Funniest Videos all-star; so fast, in fact, that he didn't have enough time to bring his hands up in order to protect his fat, greasy face.

While the fall was fast and violent enough to secure itself permanent residence in my mind's video vault, it was the bundles of mail in his arms that shot high up into the air and then rained down on him like confetti that really took this to the next level. It seemed like the mail didn't fully stop for an minute; bills and postcards falling back to Earth like giant snowflakes. The scene was so hilarious and he was so closed that I ducked down below my windowsill to laugh so that he couldn't see me.

Oh yeah, and he was wearing shorts.

Fuck, that was so awesome.