Iran

With all of this insanity going on in Iran in regards to the alleged election, I was reminded of the absolute most stupid thing ever said to me by a girl that I was dating -- and I've dated a couple of real idiots. The kind of girl that you walk to their door after a night; not because you're a gentleman (because you're not), but because they're so stupid that you're worried they may get lost.

So this girl and I spent our first date playing miniature golf. I know that it sounds cheesy -- and I guess that it is -- but a girl would be lucky to get a night of mini golf out of me now as drinking beers and playing Rock Band is about as romantic as I get these days. Anyway, of course this girl was talking about herself at length when she says, "I'm Iranian. Both of my parents were born in Iran and then moved here. Have you ever heard of Iran?"

Wait -- seriously? I was born in 1977, and this girl was well aware of that fact. That would make me about ten years old when the Iran-Contra affair was kind of a big deal here in the United States, which I'm from. Have you ever heard of the United States?

I eventually broke up with this girl for a far better looking Italian girl. I've also heard of Italy. Thanks to the Internet, I received an e-mail from the Iran girl many, many years later after she had disappeared to New York City (there's a shocker). Mainly due to a lethal mixture of boredom and curiosity, I accepted her offer to meet up with her at a diner to "catch up," which is something that girls say when they want to tell you all about what they've been up to since the last time you saw them. At the diner, I was treated to a much better looking version of the girl I dated, but I was also subjected to hours worth of mind-numbing color-by-numbers "feminist" horseshit which unironically included the phrase "white Anglo-Saxon males." I called her a "faggot," finished my beer, and left. I've thankfully never heard from her again.

And now for the obvious: