Lost in translation.

I'm sorry that subject is so gay, but it was the first thing that popped into my head, and I figured I should punish myself for thinking up something so stupid by committing to it and facing the consequences.

On my second to last trip to Thailand, back in March of 2008, I fell in with a small group of hookers. They worked at a bar just down the road from the gym I was training at. It was the bar that I went to when I wanted a Chang, and I became friendly with the working girls. We hung out quite a bit while I was there and kept in touch via text messaging and the occasional phone call after I left. On my most recent visit this past October, about half of the girls were still there (the other half had moved on to Krabi and some other areas of Thailand), and we hung out again. When I left in November, they again continued to keep in touch via text messaging.

Most of these girls can speak very rudimentary English. They can usually recite a series of questions and phrases -- "Hello, how are you?" "What's your name?" "Where you from?" "How long you stay in Thailand?" "You buy me drink?" -- and not much else. So as you can imagine, their written English leaves much to be desired. But that never stopped my friends May, Bee, and Lohm, from dropping me a line to say hello.

Here are some of my all-time favorite text messages from my good hooker friends, transcribed exactly as received, in chronological order (from oldest to newest):

"Went you come bake. I want to see you."

"Hi! How are you? I miss you. Tack care."

"See you tack care."

"I happy."

"Hi! Dick how are you?" (I tought them some English -- important stuff like "dick" and "ass")

"Hi i miss you. Miss you every time."

"Hello. how are you? i miss you. daring"

"Happy birthday for you. so far for you and me but i send myheart for you everytime. just missing you and happy_ enjoy in your day : ) kiss for you."

"Happy new year. daring."

Followed very shortly by...

"fucking drunk."

"i miss you. when you come back too thailand i can go to phuket for wait you."

"hi man how are you? i miss you to much . when you come bake to thailan i miss you ...:)"

"Hello. how are you? i miss you. now in bankkok to hot no good for me.:("

"Hello. justin how are you? i miss you so much and love you long time:)"